(this originally appeared on my old blog in August 2014)
Today has been a lot of standing up for myself, standing up for what I'm about.
As a child, no one did this for me, and I was insulted, put down, physically, emotionally, sexually abused, beaten up by bullies, picked on at school, on the way home, in the home on a consistent basis. Even when people knew the "worst" was happening, I was left to my own care and safety, and it took a lot of abuse and victimization to get to the point where I started to sprout some thorns, some scales, some claws, some fangs, where the wounds took their shape. By the time I was twenty-one I promised myself that no one would ever mistreat me nor abuse me nor put me in danger again, and I don't suffer being treated less than I want to be treated, I don't suffer being bullied, intimidated, threatened, insulted, challenged, all that well, and I don't sit there and watch it happen to others.
People wonder how I became the contentious Lucifer in their morning bowl of cereal, but it was never intentional, this is what I became as life threw the dice at me and I bit the knuckles hard, as a result, life has sort of cast me (perhaps for my experiences of how I was treated and having no advocates) in the position to stand up to people, to stand for people, and to confront people who normally prey on others who do not, or cannot, stand up for themselves. There is a blessing in the curse of being a victim, and that is, if well-cultivated, your victimhood can transform into a hero/ine form, a great avenger and protector of those who cannot, or have not yet learned, how to speak up for themselves. The first rule for overcoming victimhood is to transform it into the state that represents your inner hero/ine. For me, it's Nietzsche, it's Giordano Bruno, it's Dietrich Bonhoeffer, it's Ragnar Lothbrok, it's Charles "the hammer" Martel, it's Oberyn Martell, it's Joan of Arc, it's Edgar Allen Poe, it's Thoreau, it's Frederick Douglas, it's Moon Knight, it's every person or character who overcame themselves, overcame others, and made their mark in the world as a hero/ine despite the people who attempted to belittle them, halt them at every stop.
I might seem like a total confrontational jerk sometimes, and I am, and I am all Nietzsche, all Bruno, all Viking, I am a mystic on the pyre, I am a wild stag running through the forest and at the hunter, I am all un-yielding and wild and mad and lion-like (more dangerous in defeat), and no one gets the better of me anymore, not without a fight, not without knowing that they were in a fight, and I treat the enemies of my friends as my enemies, and I treat those who think they can push me, push the helpless, push the voiceless, push the weaker around, with nothing less than cold, defiant, wrathful indifference (at best).
The world needs more lions and less sheep.
This to, I roar.
People wonder how I became the contentious Lucifer in their morning bowl of cereal, but it was never intentional, this is what I became as life threw the dice at me and I bit the knuckles hard, as a result, life has sort of cast me (perhaps for my experiences of how I was treated and having no advocates) in the position to stand up to people, to stand for people, and to confront people who normally prey on others who do not, or cannot, stand up for themselves. There is a blessing in the curse of being a victim, and that is, if well-cultivated, your victimhood can transform into a hero/ine form, a great avenger and protector of those who cannot, or have not yet learned, how to speak up for themselves. The first rule for overcoming victimhood is to transform it into the state that represents your inner hero/ine. For me, it's Nietzsche, it's Giordano Bruno, it's Dietrich Bonhoeffer, it's Ragnar Lothbrok, it's Charles "the hammer" Martel, it's Oberyn Martell, it's Joan of Arc, it's Edgar Allen Poe, it's Thoreau, it's Frederick Douglas, it's Moon Knight, it's every person or character who overcame themselves, overcame others, and made their mark in the world as a hero/ine despite the people who attempted to belittle them, halt them at every stop.
I might seem like a total confrontational jerk sometimes, and I am, and I am all Nietzsche, all Bruno, all Viking, I am a mystic on the pyre, I am a wild stag running through the forest and at the hunter, I am all un-yielding and wild and mad and lion-like (more dangerous in defeat), and no one gets the better of me anymore, not without a fight, not without knowing that they were in a fight, and I treat the enemies of my friends as my enemies, and I treat those who think they can push me, push the helpless, push the voiceless, push the weaker around, with nothing less than cold, defiant, wrathful indifference (at best).
The world needs more lions and less sheep.
This to, I roar.
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