Today's ending calories were 2284, the first time I have eaten under 2300 calories in four months. In the math of diet and weight loss, I was only 35 calories over from a day of eating that would give me 2-pound weight loss if I ate like this each day. It is still a good day for eating, for me, a real mark of how hard it feels to get down this far.
It has been a wild ride today with food. I stopped eating yesterday at around 6:30pm and didn't get to eat breakfast until around 8:00am this morning, so going 13.5 hours without eating was a bit of a tough experience. By the time I finally got to eat my stomach was growling, I had a dizzy spell where I almost fainted, and I was definitely raging a bit.
Breakfast was Tofu scramble, Coffee with Trader Joe's coconut creamer, and baked home fries.
I only ate one serving (but had two coffees), and then put the rest away for tomorrow's breakfast; this in and of itself was a major victory.
In order to keep my mind off of eating, I drank lots of water throughout the day, and threw myself into my school work (I am a college professor), grading non-stop and corresponded with students until about 2:00pm when my wife came home with SaPa, a Vietnamese fusion place near our home. I had the vermicelli with tofu bowl, no appetizers, and this was also a victory because the last time I ate SaPa I had a tofu Banh Mi, 2 orders of fresh rolls, 3 fried vegetarian spring rolls. Changing from Banh Mi itself is also a major struggle because I LOVE Banh Mi, but if I don't have the room for it, I need to eat something lower in calories and quicker to digest.
We ate dinner tonight at 5:45pm. I wan't quite hungry yet but I knew I had to eat sooner than later so that I would have time to digest before sleep. Dinner was whole wheat pasta and jarred sauce (Paesana brand), and we added cooked fresh mushrooms to it. I ate 12 ounces of cooked pasta, 3 servings of sauce, stopped myself from eating another 4 ounces and extra sauce (it was literally right in my plate), and then for dessert I had iced black coffee, a thin slice of Vegan pumpkin pie, and 2 tbsp of So Delicious Whipped Cream. My fat percentage for the day was 35%, with most of my day's fat coming from the sauce (yet, another reason to make my own sauces and not be lazy: fewer calories, less fat).
Tomorrow will be Day #3 on this path, and while we usually go out for breakfast every Sunday, tomorrow I am planning on staying in and eating my left overs from today, yet another accomplishment (I had recently worked myself up to eating 2 breakfast dishes every Sunday). I have already planned out my day's eating tomorrow, but I'm also going to leave the apartment tomorrow for some Holiday shopping, so there will be some temptation while out (I have to find a calorie and fat-friendly lunch), and also the stress of realizing that I have to go back to school and teach, end of semester, and the eating and food triggers that brings with it (not going for sweetened coffees and bagels with vegan cream cheese in-between classes, or going out for lunch, or binging as soon as I get home, are all going to be challenges).
Today's stress has been around going to Connecticut December 8-10, followed by coming home and going to two faculty dinners over the next two days. I feel like I am making great progress right now, and it's hard, really HARD, but I know staying with my grandparents, visiting friends, will mean being over calories and fat each day there, and then I will come home and be a little stressed and I will have to go to these social events and not gorge like everyone else does, and then, if I can keep my shit together through all of that, a week later I am taking my wife away for 3 days as a Christmas present (and celebration of our 1 year engagement date), so more eating not fully in my hands, followed by Christmas two days later, so both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are both scratched due to celebrating, holiday stress, company, etc. The good thing is that after Christmas, with the exception of my birthday on January 13th, the wife's birthday on February 16th, I feel like I have a great streak of days to remain in-control for the following 8-9 months.
Still, I am stressed about going to Connecticut and getting out of control again, but I can't not go see my 90-year-old grandparents, or turn down their cooking (it was hard enough to get them to stop cooking meat, eggs, dairy, flat fish for me). I think that a food addict, any addict, fears being out of control more than anything else, and right now, I feel like, to stay sober, I have to cancel all travel and festive plans, stay home, monitor my eating, and find some exercise until I can get through 28 days of being in control and developing a new, supportive lifestyle, break these old patterns with some serious momentum.
Okay folks, so, good news today, lots of fighting going on, hoping that I can keep in the fight for the long term and get through these holidays.
Random note: as you get your eating under control, you pee like crazy, your body getting rid of all the water it is holding onto. I've peed about 20 times today, 5 times during the last two nights. It's so fucking annoying!
It has been a wild ride today with food. I stopped eating yesterday at around 6:30pm and didn't get to eat breakfast until around 8:00am this morning, so going 13.5 hours without eating was a bit of a tough experience. By the time I finally got to eat my stomach was growling, I had a dizzy spell where I almost fainted, and I was definitely raging a bit.
Breakfast was Tofu scramble, Coffee with Trader Joe's coconut creamer, and baked home fries.
I only ate one serving (but had two coffees), and then put the rest away for tomorrow's breakfast; this in and of itself was a major victory.
In order to keep my mind off of eating, I drank lots of water throughout the day, and threw myself into my school work (I am a college professor), grading non-stop and corresponded with students until about 2:00pm when my wife came home with SaPa, a Vietnamese fusion place near our home. I had the vermicelli with tofu bowl, no appetizers, and this was also a victory because the last time I ate SaPa I had a tofu Banh Mi, 2 orders of fresh rolls, 3 fried vegetarian spring rolls. Changing from Banh Mi itself is also a major struggle because I LOVE Banh Mi, but if I don't have the room for it, I need to eat something lower in calories and quicker to digest.
We ate dinner tonight at 5:45pm. I wan't quite hungry yet but I knew I had to eat sooner than later so that I would have time to digest before sleep. Dinner was whole wheat pasta and jarred sauce (Paesana brand), and we added cooked fresh mushrooms to it. I ate 12 ounces of cooked pasta, 3 servings of sauce, stopped myself from eating another 4 ounces and extra sauce (it was literally right in my plate), and then for dessert I had iced black coffee, a thin slice of Vegan pumpkin pie, and 2 tbsp of So Delicious Whipped Cream. My fat percentage for the day was 35%, with most of my day's fat coming from the sauce (yet, another reason to make my own sauces and not be lazy: fewer calories, less fat).
Tomorrow will be Day #3 on this path, and while we usually go out for breakfast every Sunday, tomorrow I am planning on staying in and eating my left overs from today, yet another accomplishment (I had recently worked myself up to eating 2 breakfast dishes every Sunday). I have already planned out my day's eating tomorrow, but I'm also going to leave the apartment tomorrow for some Holiday shopping, so there will be some temptation while out (I have to find a calorie and fat-friendly lunch), and also the stress of realizing that I have to go back to school and teach, end of semester, and the eating and food triggers that brings with it (not going for sweetened coffees and bagels with vegan cream cheese in-between classes, or going out for lunch, or binging as soon as I get home, are all going to be challenges).
Today's stress has been around going to Connecticut December 8-10, followed by coming home and going to two faculty dinners over the next two days. I feel like I am making great progress right now, and it's hard, really HARD, but I know staying with my grandparents, visiting friends, will mean being over calories and fat each day there, and then I will come home and be a little stressed and I will have to go to these social events and not gorge like everyone else does, and then, if I can keep my shit together through all of that, a week later I am taking my wife away for 3 days as a Christmas present (and celebration of our 1 year engagement date), so more eating not fully in my hands, followed by Christmas two days later, so both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are both scratched due to celebrating, holiday stress, company, etc. The good thing is that after Christmas, with the exception of my birthday on January 13th, the wife's birthday on February 16th, I feel like I have a great streak of days to remain in-control for the following 8-9 months.
Still, I am stressed about going to Connecticut and getting out of control again, but I can't not go see my 90-year-old grandparents, or turn down their cooking (it was hard enough to get them to stop cooking meat, eggs, dairy, flat fish for me). I think that a food addict, any addict, fears being out of control more than anything else, and right now, I feel like, to stay sober, I have to cancel all travel and festive plans, stay home, monitor my eating, and find some exercise until I can get through 28 days of being in control and developing a new, supportive lifestyle, break these old patterns with some serious momentum.
Okay folks, so, good news today, lots of fighting going on, hoping that I can keep in the fight for the long term and get through these holidays.
Random note: as you get your eating under control, you pee like crazy, your body getting rid of all the water it is holding onto. I've peed about 20 times today, 5 times during the last two nights. It's so fucking annoying!
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