I have been stewing on a very important idea the last few days, one that came to me the last day of 2014, and it still continues to come to me, burn inside of me, and only increase each day. I have come to the conclusion that nothing is more important now in my life (except for my cats and wife) than getting my writing career up and moving once again, especially getting that first novel completed and published.
A few years ago, as my first marriage was coming to an end, there were two good things going on for me and my life, the first being that my health had turned around, but the second was that I had finally relocated to a place where I felt like a writer, my writing was off the ground, and I was starting to get things published, a book was starting to form, there was an agent interested in a manuscript, and I felt like being a writer was starting to come together. In these last four years since then, I haven't published anything, my writing has rapidly dried up, I read less and less, and though I come up with great ideas, they don't go anywhere. I went on two writer's retreats last year, and though there was a "spark" there, I came home, got to work in my jobs, and again the writing stopped. As someone who teaches writing and literature, that cannot be good for my career, it certainly isn't good for my success or happiness, and I don't think I can keep teaching 7-10 classes per semester, twice a year, plus 3-6 each Summer, burning the wick down low all semester, recovering in a collapse in the 2 weeks off in-between, and repeating it again. I LOVE the teaching, the students, I will always be teaching at some level, but I know that this crazy pace is no longer what my life is supposed to be about, not for another 30 years.
I have this idea, this feeling, that I'm supposed to be a successful writer, I'm supposed to be a full time faculty, I'm supposed to be traveling, researching, writing, and living the life of a writer, and that for whatever reason(s) that I thought I could put that on hold, I can no longer put this on hold, and nothing will replace it or cover it over. The dream is still there, there is recovery that is still needed, and that much is true, but the writing, the stories, the place within writing, it needs to occur, it has to occur, and if it doesn't, then I am missing my calling, wasting my talent, and continuing to run as a way of being.
I spent the bulk of today getting that stuff up and going again that needs to occur for the writing life, my internal muse, to get going again, and this is something like a "yoga" that I know I am preparing myself for and jumping back into once again. For example, today was the first time in years I read an issue of Poets & Writer's magazine. I have subscribed to it for the last three years, but they have only been stacking up in the bathroom or recycling, and not being read, not being utilized, not being used to see what is going on in the writing world, what I could get involved with, how I could create a more inclusive writing world. I also cleaned up my computer today, set up links to use each day in my writing, looked up some writing classes, conferences, retreats, began looking up a place for me to write each day, and surround myself with events, opportunities, a life that will keep me in the flow of writing. I've also created a reading list, reached out to past students to inform them of a more active role of being an example in their writing life, and of course, I spent sometime today narrowing down the writing I am going to be doing, what my first writing project will be.
I have decided to focus on a novel, one about consciousness, which is a favorite topic of mine. Most important for me is that I have officially decided to become a novelist, and to throw my writing, my soul, in that direction, and to give the writing the preference that it needs to have in my life to take shape and be successful, the way I used to give it that power in my life before.
You may have noticed that I changed the name of this Blog, it's direction, and I will now be using it to post more things about my writing, my thinking, and the direction that my writer's life will be taking again.
This is an exciting and scary time, a bit of something that is a long time coming, but nothing could be more secure and certain for my future success and happiness, my security into my old age, as finally putting an end to the "someday" aspect of my writing and life, getting the first book written, and getting the writing life underway. This will probably signal lots of changes in my life, but for the first time in a long time, I feel like the writing, and my life, matters once again.
A few years ago, as my first marriage was coming to an end, there were two good things going on for me and my life, the first being that my health had turned around, but the second was that I had finally relocated to a place where I felt like a writer, my writing was off the ground, and I was starting to get things published, a book was starting to form, there was an agent interested in a manuscript, and I felt like being a writer was starting to come together. In these last four years since then, I haven't published anything, my writing has rapidly dried up, I read less and less, and though I come up with great ideas, they don't go anywhere. I went on two writer's retreats last year, and though there was a "spark" there, I came home, got to work in my jobs, and again the writing stopped. As someone who teaches writing and literature, that cannot be good for my career, it certainly isn't good for my success or happiness, and I don't think I can keep teaching 7-10 classes per semester, twice a year, plus 3-6 each Summer, burning the wick down low all semester, recovering in a collapse in the 2 weeks off in-between, and repeating it again. I LOVE the teaching, the students, I will always be teaching at some level, but I know that this crazy pace is no longer what my life is supposed to be about, not for another 30 years.
I have this idea, this feeling, that I'm supposed to be a successful writer, I'm supposed to be a full time faculty, I'm supposed to be traveling, researching, writing, and living the life of a writer, and that for whatever reason(s) that I thought I could put that on hold, I can no longer put this on hold, and nothing will replace it or cover it over. The dream is still there, there is recovery that is still needed, and that much is true, but the writing, the stories, the place within writing, it needs to occur, it has to occur, and if it doesn't, then I am missing my calling, wasting my talent, and continuing to run as a way of being.
I spent the bulk of today getting that stuff up and going again that needs to occur for the writing life, my internal muse, to get going again, and this is something like a "yoga" that I know I am preparing myself for and jumping back into once again. For example, today was the first time in years I read an issue of Poets & Writer's magazine. I have subscribed to it for the last three years, but they have only been stacking up in the bathroom or recycling, and not being read, not being utilized, not being used to see what is going on in the writing world, what I could get involved with, how I could create a more inclusive writing world. I also cleaned up my computer today, set up links to use each day in my writing, looked up some writing classes, conferences, retreats, began looking up a place for me to write each day, and surround myself with events, opportunities, a life that will keep me in the flow of writing. I've also created a reading list, reached out to past students to inform them of a more active role of being an example in their writing life, and of course, I spent sometime today narrowing down the writing I am going to be doing, what my first writing project will be.
I have decided to focus on a novel, one about consciousness, which is a favorite topic of mine. Most important for me is that I have officially decided to become a novelist, and to throw my writing, my soul, in that direction, and to give the writing the preference that it needs to have in my life to take shape and be successful, the way I used to give it that power in my life before.
You may have noticed that I changed the name of this Blog, it's direction, and I will now be using it to post more things about my writing, my thinking, and the direction that my writer's life will be taking again.
This is an exciting and scary time, a bit of something that is a long time coming, but nothing could be more secure and certain for my future success and happiness, my security into my old age, as finally putting an end to the "someday" aspect of my writing and life, getting the first book written, and getting the writing life underway. This will probably signal lots of changes in my life, but for the first time in a long time, I feel like the writing, and my life, matters once again.
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