Yoga and Redemption

I wrote this on Facebook the other day, so I thought I would share/record it here as well.



I sometimes find that, despite my distance from the subject and my attempt to grow around it, I still tend to think about things, or approach things, with a Catholic theological mind.

I have been listening to my body and my heart as of late, and I have been having some intense realizations and insights into my former Yoga practice over the last week, making sense, taking ownership, of where it went, right as it was going well.

My one question today has been; is there something like "atonement" or "redemption," or importantly, "Repentance" in Yoga traditions? If so, how does this differ, take place, or not occur at all, in systems such as Ashtanga, Vinyasa, other traditional forms of Yoga?


I am reminded of the words of Rumi (which is another reason I am fond of so many forms of Sufism, next to Yoga):

“Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again , come, come.”

And wonder if such a concept occurs within Yoga Philosophy.


I had this recent "realization" that what actually happened to my Yoga practice and relationship with different communities is that I, despite what I thought at the time, was burning bridges unintentionally, making a Yoga home, community, and practice impossible. It wasn't the people or the teachers or the styles, it was all me. I think that I was doing it because it WAS/IS the thing I wanted to do with my life, and sometimes, achieving the things you really want can be a very scary experience. I was pushing people and places and the practice away as hard as I could, making sure I couldn't go back or get deeper into the practice because I still had not learned to love myself nor forgive myself for how I got to that deep spot in the practice. I also think that because I couldn't reconcile a romantic life with a non-Yogi, and the active life-centered-around-Yoga-practice, I was pushing people and places away so that I could protect the relationship at all costs, making sure it was protected from my own desire for the Yogi life.

When I had that insight recently, it opened up a lot of thoughts and reflections about this practice, this life I feel so mournful for losing, and I had this crazy idea of just wandering back into old schools, contacting old Yoga friends, starting to show up at events and classes, and I have this HUGE fear that because I burned so many bridges, that some people and places might not want me around, or to come back. One of the reasons I've been so eager to move as of late has been to get that fresh Yoga community start, but the idea of fleeing my smoldering past, as if Boston and Portland are just places I sneak out of without resolution and forgiveness, really bothers me. What if I wanted to go back to Mysore for the next few months? What if I wanted to start going back to Karma Yoga? What if I know who I want to be my teacher but I'm afraid of what they might think of me?

This all made me think of repentance and redemption, very Christiological terms, loaded with Catholic significance (which is how I still enter into ideas; you never really lose that Theologian, even when you leave the practice), and what it would mean to try and find that within a Yoga community or practice.

I'm doing the hard work on "self-redemption" aspects these days, but getting back onto a mat, into a community, finding/approaching a teacher, this is the stuff I'm trying to figure out the formalities and realities about.

I think that a Ganesha Puja is DEFINITELY in my future.