Looking Down the Long Dark Highway

I just saw the last episode of Sonic Highways. If you haven't seen it, on HBO, I cannot recommend a show about the history of American music more. I wish it were longer, I wish they went to more cities, but 8 cities, 8 episodes, and you really get this connection of Americana-Folk-Blues-Jazz-Bluegrass-Soul-Rock-Punk-Hip Hop (the last one, of course, you know I hate) and just how much so many of these streams are connected, how much respect so many of the Punk musicians have for Americana and Bluegrass (which is where I've been the last 5 years of my life) music. 

Most powerful, the importance of believing in your dreams, following your creative dreams through, is so moving and essential, such a guiding message, and finding that dream in the cultures and contours of the USA, the good parts of it, where artists and writers and musicians and creatives all network together, create their own scenes, their own sounds and sights, it's such a powerful message for me, especially because of all the musical and artistic dreams I have had during my life that I let die, for other people, for other obligations, and never really believed in myself and my own vision enough to see into reality. I think that so much of this show came through in all of my drunken realizations and confessions and insights the other night, and have suddenly dumped the responsibility back on my lap again, challenging me to do something with these visions and dreams and ideas and make something out of them, something that is lasting and transformative and ME. And of course, here I am, wondering "yoga, novel writing, travel writing, poetry, cross genre, philosophy, music--mandolin, rest, blues guitar?---, art, vegan cooking, ceremonial magick" all these doors I've stormed open and then freeze in front of like a scared deer, like I can't go in without watching the others crumble. I think some people are fortunate enough to know what they are passionate about and then they do it, but for me, I have several things and I mourn the others dying whenever I give myself whole-heartedly to just one or two. And yet I know that, it's not what you fling at the castle walls that really matters, it's that you fling at all, well, and with all your heart and might.

I'm really protective of my time these next few weeks. It feels like I am so close to seeing inside of myself for the first time in a long while, and getting on path, making that leap, that charge, that does give me the focus and force to pick a path or two and really commit to it. When my energies are channeled into one direction, they are quite unstoppable. Leaving behind the fear and the anger and finding ways around the seeming obstacles ( i am NOT a people person) may not be as much of a challenge as simply trusting the path itself to provide the true way.

A long time ago, when Daoist Martial Arts were my life, my master told me, "If you trust in the Way, the Way provides everything you need for the journey." I have found this to count for just about everything I've ever fully given myself and my heart to, taken on to master.

So, yes, this show kicked my ass over the last eight weeks, and I feel so exposed and open to change, to following the flow of my changes and callings and see them through to a happy and stable and empowering life.

Today's darkness and isolation are welcome. Life is a long, dark highway, and the sound of your soul, is what you have to most learn to listen to and discern, follow.

 

“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your
thoughts break their bonds: Your mind transcends limitations, your
consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new,
great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive,
and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed
yourself to be.” --Patanjali